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İyi ki Şu Karenin İçinde Ben Yokum!.. | Müzikonair
Hayatın gerçekliğinin fotoğrafın gerçekliğiyle yer değiştirdiği bu zamanda hangi fotoğraf karesinin içinde kimlerle göründüğün, hiç olmadığı kadar önemli artık.
Kimisi baktı kalemi yetmiyor içindekini doğru ifade etmeye, kimisi de baktı kaleminin yettiğini okuyan yetmiyor anlamaya. Hep beraber fotoğrafa sarıldık. Her ânımız bir fotoğraf karesinde belgeli artık.
Yeni nesil fotoğraflar sararmıyor, solmuyor, yırtılmıyor üstelik. Olsa olsa siliniyor. Ama aslında dijital âleme salıverdiğimiz her şey gibi onlar da asla tamamen yok olmuyor. Doğada çözünmüyor yani.
Plastikten beter bu dijital fotoğraf denilen şey. Siz sildim zannediyorsunuz, sonra günün birinde, hiç ummadığınız bir anda birilerinin bilgisayarından, telefonundan, taşınabilir hard diskinden çıkıveriyor. Çoğu zaman da aleyhinize delil olarak.
Siz o arada değişmiş oluyorsunuz. Belki saçınızın rengini değiştirmiş, kilo vermiş, kas yapmış, belki de düşüncelerinizi, duygularınızı, hatta doğrularınızı değiştirmiş oluyorsunuz. Ne çare. O karenin bir yerlerde illa ki bir kopyası var.
Her gün onlarca, yüzlerce, ne kadar süre ayırdığınıza bağlı olarak belki de binlerce fotoğraf karesi geçiyor gözümüzün önünden. Kimini beğeniyor, kimine gülüyor, kimini kıskanıyor, kimine üzülüyoruz. Sizi bilmem ama ben bazen şükür de ediyorum. “İyi ki şu karenin içinde ben yokum,” diyorum mesela. Ya da “İyi ki hayat beni bu karenin içinde yer almak zorunda bırakmadı,” diyorum.
Çünkü bazı karelerden zorundalık akıyor… Bazı karelerden sahtekarlık, bazılarından zavallılık, çaresizlik, vicdansızlık, merhametsizlik… Bazı karelerden yağcılık akıyor. Tutunma, göze girme, kabul görme, onaylanma… Hesap, kitap, çıkar akıyor bazı karelerden. Kısa günün kârı akıyor… Gemisini yürüten kaptan, cebini kollayan, başını sallayan, maaşını toplayan, ık diyenin pık deyicisi… Daha neler neler akıyor.
Yazı da ele verir insanı aslına bakarsanız. Kendinizle ilgili bir kelime etmemiş olsanız bile, yazdığınız alakasız birkaç cümle, okuduğunu görene şipşak açık eder kimliğinizi; kimsiniz, nesiniz. Ama fotoğraf kadar değil.
Sanıldığının aksine şimdiki zamanın fotoğraf filtreleri defoları kapatmıyor; kabak gibi açığa çıkarıyor tam tersine. Fotoğraflarınız kişisel tarihinizi hiç sansürsüz, bütün çıplaklığıyla, an be an kaleme alıyor. Bin yıl sonra bile bir cümlesini değiştirmeye gücünüzün yetmeyeceği bir biçimde hem de. Silinmez mürekkeple. Farkında mısınız?
Belki üç yıl sonra, beş yıl sonra, ne bileyim ya da yirmi yıl sonra… “Kandım aldandım,” da deseniz “Sarhoştum aydım,” da deseniz, “Hata yaptım pişmanım,” da deseniz, fotoğraflarınız sizi çoktan müebbete mahkûm etmiş olacak. Sadece sizi değil, çocuklarınızı, torunlarınızı, hatta torunlarınızın torunlarını da… Biliyor musunuz?
Sanmam… Bilseydiniz bu kadar iştahla, coşkuyla, arzuyla fotoğraf karelerinize hapsetmezdiniz belki her ânınızı. Kim bilir belki biraz düşünür, biraz da utanırdınız.
Bu hafta çok fazla sayıda “İyi ki şu karenin içinde ben yokum,” dediğim fotoğraf karesi gördüm sosyal medyada. Bu yazı da oradan çıktı. Başka sözüm yok.
Yavuz Hakan Tok | MüzikOnair
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